Have you ever heard the saying, “If you’re feeling hysterical, it’s probably historical?” It’s one of my favorite sayings in the world because it’s often so true.

Think about it… when someone interrupts you during a meeting and you suddenly want to punch that person’s lights out – is it really because of that one interruption? When a client criticizes your work and you feel embarrassed, sad, angry to the core, is it really about that client’s singular critique?

Deep, strong, historical feelings can get triggered by single incidents where the offender has no idea that he or she said or did something to upset you.

The next time YOU feel hysterical because of someone else’s behavior or words, take a moment. Give yourself some time to investigate what might be happening inside of you. Go for a run, call a friend, allow the toxins to rise up and out of you. If you can trace the strong emotions to historical events, you could have an ah-hah moment and let some of that history go.

We knew it was coming, yes it’s finally here, what we thought was temporary was actually the beginning of new normal. So we are doing twice the work with half the resources and stressed to the max. Does this sound familiar? Now, we just have to learn how to live like this. If we had not had it so good we might not have noticed. We humans only like when things get better, bigger, or move forward. Moving backwards is not what we expect or want.

I think there is another way to look at this. You may not like what I’m about to say and you may not want to hear another thing I have to say, but here it is. We have to change our values. We need to learn to live with less. We must find the joy it’s what’s important. We must take more responsibility for the world around us. We have to become less self-centered.

There it is, I said it. You know I’m right. Even though I’m not the only one saying this, why are so many people not listening?

New Year – New You?

One of the morning T.V. shows is using the term New Year, New You as their tag line. The first time I heard this, I thought, what? Really? Just because it’s the beginning of the year, why do we have to start off like it’s a new page, a new life, a new beginning?

I’m so sick of that thinking. I don’t like to put that kind of pressure on myself. Why are we so programmed to think that on January 1st we must go on a diet, start a new workout routine, put money in savings, get to bed on time, go to the doctor, get our teeth whitened, etc, etc. I really don’t like New Years resolutions. They never work.

But, I do like goals they act as a guideline, so that we have direction. But resolutions are a recipe for failure.

So please set your yearly goals. The good news is that you don’t have to achieve them today, you have all year.

Last week I decided to take a vow of NO GOSSIP. We had given a lecture the week before and addressed how poisonous gossip can be. While I was delivering the lecture I thought to myself, humm you need to take this seriously. How can you give this advice and then actually gossip again? So after the lecture I thought about it a lot.

Whenever I caught myself talking about someone in a not so flattering manner, I realized it didn’t feel so good. I do remember at one time it did feel rewarding to tear someone down behind their back, but when did that change for me? When did it start feeling so wrong? I’m not sure when I began to tire of gossip but I think it’s somewhat recent.

Growing up my mother and her two sisters were relentless gossips, they talked about everyone. They would clamor on in a nasty judgmental way as they went down the list of people they knew. No one was sacred, anyone that came in contact with them was up for scrutiny and would eventually be cut down about something, it could be their hair, it could be their teeth, their lack of money or they may have had too much money. They would say things like; How could she wear that? He should lose weight. What was interesting is that most of what they were saying was out of habit, once they labeled someone as fat, lazy, ugly or cheap that person didn’t stand a chance of overcoming that image. They became labels and the same comments were repeated week after week so that these comments became their reality about those they talked about (which was everyone). No one grew in their eyes, my cousin Beth was fat no matter how much weight she lost. She was a chubby child and they could never see her in the present.

I was aware that they were not being nice, but at the same time they seemed to be having fun, and I received approval from them if I participated. I wanted to be loved by them and I wanted their approval. If I participated the world felt right they loved me and I was accepted for that moment.

It took me years to unlearn this behavior. But occasionally I do run into people who seem to relish cutting down others and will approve of me if I participate. It’s familiar territory, it can feel cozy and safe and fun while it’s happening, just like it did sitting in my aunt Edie’s den all those years ago.

I’m still keeping my vow of No Gossip, lets see what happens in week two.