Tag: psychology

Adjusting your routine to feel better

I know, I know. You’re too busy and too tired to do anything for yourself. You don’t have time for exercise or relaxation or spending time with good friends. You don’t have the energy to do anything that would actually alleviate your stress.

You’re busy working longer hours, not taking lunch, eating take-out, staring at your smart phone, and crashing into bed after you pass out in front of the computer or the t.v.
Think again.

Just a slight adjustment in your routine could make a world of difference. It could be 15 minutes of exercise a day, or a brief morning meditation, or going to bed a half hour earlier, or walking to work instead of taking the bus. It could be one less cup of coffee, or bringing healthy snacks to work, or attending one spin class a week.

Whatever the change, commit to it, and build it into your routine. Don’t wait to be rescued. Only you can make the time to feel better.

Try inserting a small activity into your routine for 90 days, and see how you feel.

30 seconds of gratitude

If you’re in a situation that is stressful or you work with someone who really bothers you, it’s easy to focus on what’s wrong, and difficult to remember what’s right. Gratitude can be a powerful weapon in the battle against emotional heartburn at work.

Not sappy gratitude for things you don’t really care about; Not imposed gratitude from someone else’s list (as in “you should be happy you have a job.”) What counts is True Gratitude for the people and things that you appreciate.

You know, that parking attendant who always greets you with a smile, or your favorite coffee bar. Maybe you’re grateful for an easy commute, or thankful for a favorite song that you hear playing.

Consciously practicing gratitude can alleviate all kinds of stress. Why? Because an attitude of gratitude puts you in the NOW. It allows you to pause and appreciate what is — instead of bemoaning what isn’t. And what we focus on does tend to build. Today, try just 30 seconds of gratitude. Just 30 seconds of appreciating what is good in your life. You’ll be glad you did.

Do you unhook?

Unhooking is a system for changing your reaction to emotionally upsetting circumstances at work. It could be a difficult coworker, a demanding boss or an impossible client. To unhook, you have to stop waiting for the other person to change, and start taking back your power. The first step in unhooking is physical.

Unhook physically by taking actions to release the negative energy stored in your body from dealing with someone else’s bad behavior. Methods for unhooking physically include washing your face, taking a walk, playing sports, working out, doing yoga or simply breathing slowly and deeply. Try it today. If you feel your head throbbing, your neck aching, your stomach churning or your arms tingling, do something physical to unhook. You’ll be glad you did.

You’re probably right

You’re probably right: That coworker you work with is incompetent. The employee you manage does have a bad attitude. Your boss should appreciate how hard you work. And your company isn’t paying you enough.

Now that we’ve established how right you are, what’s next? You can congratulate yourself for being right. But that affords limited satisfaction. Your situation won’t improve until you do something different. Sorry. It’s not fair. But your attitude is what will change your reality.

So accept that you are right, and get ready to respond to the difficult people at work differently.

I Hate Ebb and Flow

As the summer draws to a close, I have to admit that I really don’t like ebb and flow. I mean, flow I like. But ebb is much less appealing to me.

I liked it when the days got longer and the nights grew warmer. As the days grow shorter and the nights get cooler, I’m not so thrilled.

Nature is an important teacher. Clearly, the seasons don’t care what I think or how I feel about their ebb and flow. Their comings and goings illustrate the ebb and flow that is part of any cycle — including business.

I don’t like business ebb and flow either — but that, too, is a fact of life. So, I’m going to use this change of seasons to appreciate ebb (cooler nights, shorter days) for what it has to offer. Maybe shorter days provide more opportunities for indoor events and home dinners.

And maybe embracing this ebb can allow me to appreciate times of flow more fully.

The Kindness of Strangers

Anyone who knows me well knows that I have a penchant for leaving and losing things: Keys, wallets, planners, phones, gloves, hats, shoes, purses, brief cases, even suitcases. I’ve left these items and more in taxis, airplanes, ATM vestibules, on top of cars, outside of buildings, at the edge of swimming pools, on football fields, in stores, on top of deli counters, and any other place you can imagine.

I hate this habit of mine. Honestly, it drives me crazy. I feel horrible when I’m with a family member or a friend and we have to spend time re-tracing my steps because I’ve lost something. And yet, try as I may – and I do try – the tendency to drop, leave or misplace possessions continues.

Recently, I hit a grand slam in the losing category. I managed to step off of my commuter bus (the 166 to Leonia, New Jersey) without my backpack, which contained my laptop (aka my brain), my planner (aka my memory), and all of the important papers of my life. I realized this grave mistake as I walked into the house.

Frantic and furious at myself, I immediately got on the phone and started calling. First, I called NJ Transit lost & found to file a report. Next, I contacted the bus dispatcher, who put out an alert. Then I contacted all the bus terminals. Finally, I stood by the bus stop for an hour, hailing every bus that passed with the hope that some friendly driver had unearthed it. No luck.

By 9:00 PM, I began to surrender. This was it. I’d committed the ultimate blunder. I started to rehearse confessing the mess I’d made to my business partner and my husband.

Then, the miracle happened. “PING!” I received an email, a Facebook message on my blackberry. “Are you missing anything?” the sender asked. Some wonderful, thoughtful, kind person had discovered my backpack under her seat and decided to take it home.

And that’s when it hit me. This ongoing, irritating, pathetic habit of mine once again had given me a gift. I was experiencing The Kindness of Strangers. In fact, I’d experienced the Kindness of Strangers hundreds of times because of my losing habit. Almost every time that I’ve dropped, left or misplaced something, some kind soul has gone out of his or her way to return it to me.

While I still wish that I could stop leaving, losing and forgetting things, today, I have a newfound appreciation for this maddening aspect of my personality. May you also know the Kindness of Strangers. Because of my foibles, I know there are a lot of kind strangers out there.

Rain Man

I was running late this morning (rain pouring, subways down, bus late) so when I arrived at Port Authority, I quickly grabbed a cab for the final leg of my commute.

Once in the cab, the driver noticed that I seemed thrown by the rain. “People are never happy with what the weather is doing,” he remarked.”When it rains they complain about being wet. When it snows they say ‘Oh God’. Even when it’s sunny they complain about the heat.”

He had my attention because he was right. “What we need to do is think about the rain and how it makes drinking water, and feeds the earth, and keeps things alive. We need to be grateful for rain and for things we can’t see… like breath.”

Now he really had my attention.

My Rain Man taxi driver then reminded me that life is a gift, and I should appreciate everything i have; consider the benefit of every kind of weather. He even told me to be grateful for my looks. “You’re pretty cute, you know. That makes people want to talk to you.”

Thank you Rain Man for brightening my day and putting my focus where it belongs — on gratitude.