Tag: relationships

Boundaries, Anger and You

Interpersonal boundaries, the lines or parameters that define and protect the territory between individuals, can be difficult to discern. How do I know when my behavior feels invasive to you? How can you tell if you’ve offended my sense of propriety?

Because interpersonal boundaries are imperceptible to the human eye, and because they differ from person to person, they have to be communicated. Part of the work at work involves defining and expressing your own interpersonal boundaries.

Here’s a hint: If you are continually angry, upset or complaining about someone or something, you probably need to set a boundary.

In this case, anger can be your friend. It’s telling you that you feel invaded and probably need to protect yourself. It’s important not to act out in anger. Rather, notice who and what bothers you. Then consider whether you need to communicate a boundary.

If a coworker’s voice is too loud, can you ask that person to lower the volume – explaining that you’re having a hard time concentrating?

If your client is behind in payment, can you explain that until you receive payment for work already delivered, you won’t be able to move on future projects?

If your boss or coworkers habitually email you at midnight, can you stop responding to all emails after 10 p.m.?

Use your anger as a signal that someone may be inadvertently invading your territory. Then see what you can say or do to communicate your limit.

It’s not personal

When it comes to workplace relationships, the notion of not taking someone else’s behavior personally is one of the toughest to really internalize.

If you are a friendly, thoughtful person, and someone at work never says “hello,” refuses to say “please” and never thanks you, it’s tempting to think that he or she is being mean and discourteous to YOU. The truth is that this individual is being who she or he is, and you happen to be there. That same individual would be just as rude to anyone else. You didn’t cause that behavior and it will continue long after you leave.

What would it be like if you could take a coworker or boss or company’s behavior less personally? How would you feel if you could attribute a cranky person’s brusque remarks as their problem, not yours?

Today, look for an opportunity to take someone else’s behavior less personally. whether it’s a sarcastic remark, a thoughtless act, or an angry reaction, remind yourself that you are not the reason why this person is acting poorly. It may feel personal, but it isn’t.

Low on HoHoHo

It’s that time of year again, and I’m in a frenzied, anxious state of mind. How are you? If you are able to weather this holiday season calmly, please tell me your secret. Tell me because, despite my best efforts, I find this time of year deplorable.

Don’t get me wrong — I love the lights, I like the fellowship, I like the idea of reconnecting with family and friends. But I hate the pressure and the barrage of advertisers insisting that I buy, buy, buy.

My hohoho usually comes from enjoying people, not things. At work, I am grateful for my clients, my business partner, our agent, our vendors, our service providers and everyone else who makes daily interactions and business exchanges pleasurable.

At home, I’m grateful for my loving husband, my stepchildren, my extended family and our overall health.

Okay, now I’m feeling a little bit better. But there’s still so much to do, right? I welcome your ideas on experiencing joy or peace or laughter or light during this time of year.

Rain Man

I was running late this morning (rain pouring, subways down, bus late) so when I arrived at Port Authority, I quickly grabbed a cab for the final leg of my commute.

Once in the cab, the driver noticed that I seemed thrown by the rain. “People are never happy with what the weather is doing,” he remarked.”When it rains they complain about being wet. When it snows they say ‘Oh God’. Even when it’s sunny they complain about the heat.”

He had my attention because he was right. “What we need to do is think about the rain and how it makes drinking water, and feeds the earth, and keeps things alive. We need to be grateful for rain and for things we can’t see… like breath.”

Now he really had my attention.

My Rain Man taxi driver then reminded me that life is a gift, and I should appreciate everything i have; consider the benefit of every kind of weather. He even told me to be grateful for my looks. “You’re pretty cute, you know. That makes people want to talk to you.”

Thank you Rain Man for brightening my day and putting my focus where it belongs — on gratitude.