Psychology | 3 | K Squared Enterprises

Best Of: Are You Working For a Narcissist? – My Crazy Office Overtime, Season 7

August 18, 2020

Kathi and Katherine talk about narcissism on this week’s My Crazy Office Overtime show.

How do you work for a narcissistic boss?

Listen to this week’s podcast here.

Give Your Brain a Break

July 1, 2020

As we approach a holiday weekend and the rollout of summer, now is a good time to take concrete steps to give your brain a break. “A break from what?” You may ask. A break from being “on” and in hyper-alert mode for four months straight.

I’m willing to bet that most of our brains could use a break. For weeks now, they’ve been scanning the news, scrolling through apps, ingesting forecasts, responding to texts, sifting through email, sitting on video conference calls, monitoring chat threads, reviewing to-do lists, and ruminating over what we haven’t been able to accomplish at work.

Giving your brain a break is like taking a mental vacation. You want to let your brain rest and restore itself, rather than constantly pressuring it to react and respond to all of the information and tasks it’s been holding. Giving your brain a break is crucial because every mind needs time for reflection and regeneration. Your mind needs rest now so that it can help you do your best work and make your best decisions in the near future.

Here are a few simple (but not easy) things you can do to give your brain a break:

Take a vacation from the news – Much of the news we ingest is designed to get our attention – it’s sensational. Overtime, it inflames and agitates the brain’s nervous system. If you can, refrain from consuming news for an entire day or a weekend. If you can’t do that, try limiting your intake to once in the morning and once in the evening.

Take a break from social media – This means staying away from social media for a day or two. Some people take week-long breaks. Try taking a picture of your family and NOT posting it immediately. Or play a round of miniature golf, and don’t message anyone while you’re playing so that your brain can be present for the whole experience.

Spend time in nature – Time spent in a natural setting walking, picnicking, hiking, swimming, biking or simply sitting and taking in fresh air is a balm for the brain. Listening to the sounds of nature – water rushing, birds chirping, leaves rustling – also helps the mind relax and refresh.

Put your unsolved problems in a box – This technique is designed to help you let go of those problems that cannot be solved by ruminating on them. It’s an interesting exercise in letting go – if only for 24 hours. Write down an unsolved problem and put it in a physical box or container. Consider it an act of decluttering your brain. You will free up space for more creative ideas.

Immerse yourself in music or art – Playing music you love, taking in art or photography or film that you are passionate about can relax your mind and release emotions. It’s especially helpful to the emotional sections of the brain that benefit from soothing sounds and beautiful images.

Do something that makes you laugh a lot – Is there a movie you find hysterical? A writer who cracks you up? A comedian who you find endlessly funny? Maybe there’s a friend whose humor brings you to tears (of laughter). Laughter is a great release and relaxant for the brain. Whatever tickles your funny bone, do it.

During the last four months, our brains have been working overtime. We’ve used them to handle the pandemic, to respond to social, political and economic upheaval. We’ve used them to plan our days, take care of our loved ones, show up for work, and do the best that we can under strange and adverse conditions. I invite you to apply these ideas (or your own) to give your brain the rest it needs. It will thank you.

Katherine Crowley – Career Therapist and co-owner of K Squared Enterprises.

Anxious About Re-entry to the Office?

May 27, 2020

Re-entry anxiety, it’s a real phenomenon. While one part of you may be eager to get back into the world to experience a semi-normal life, another part of you may be petrified. Going back to the office, venturing outdoors, visiting with friends – all of these activities that used to be automatic can now spark waves of fear and anxiety.

Why? Because your mind has gotten used to a certain way of living during the pandemic that feels safe and under your control. Sheltering in place may be confining, but it is predictable. You know exactly what is coming into and what is going out of your environment. You know how to safely manage your life.

Re-entry adds a range of new ingredients – especially other people – that can literally feel hazardous to your health.

So how do we handle our fear of re-entering?

Acknowledge that re-entry anxiety is understandable and real. It’s the outcome of sheltering in place in a safe environment that you can control. Going outside of that environment will naturally spark some fear.

Identify your specific fears. If you are someone who is physically vulnerable to the virus, you may fear contracting it because of more exposure to more people. If you are someone who is generally anxious, your anxiety may be heightened due to anticipatory anxiety. Are you afraid of large crowds? Confined spaces? Returning to work in general? Public transportation? Identify the specifics so that you can address them.

Once you know the fears, talk about them with others. Better to voice your anxiety than to hold it in. You can do this with a sympathetic friend, a family member, or a hired professional. You may want to consult a physician if you have specific medical concerns or psychological counselor if the anxiety feels debilitating.

Construct a plan to re-enter that is cautious and gradual. The treatment for anxiety is not to stay locked in. It is to slowly, carefully expose yourself to more experiences so that you can find a way to re-enter your former life. You want to respect the anxiety without letting it hold you hostage.

If your re-entry anxiety involves work, talk it over with your employer. Many companies are eager to discuss re-entry with their staff and to construct a plan that can help them feel safe. Perhaps you can create a reduced schedule or minimal commuting for the time being.

Keep doing the activities and routines that you find nourishing. While sheltering in place, have you enjoyed cooking? Do you have an exercise routine that gives you energy? Is there a creative pastime (drawing, singing, dancing) that you’ve put into practice? Those activities can be grounding and soothing to you as you begin to re-enter your former life.

One more thing, if part of what you fear involves returning to a competitive workplace or working endless hours, you may want to consider some longer-range changes. Do you need to re-design your job? Do you need to look for a different work situation altogether? You may not be ready to make any immediate changes, but you can begin to contemplate the kind of work life and home life that will ultimately work for you.

Katherine Crowley – Career Therapist and co-owner of K Squared Enterprises.

The Importance of Being Patient with Yourself

May 13, 2020

As many of us move through week nine of sheltering in place, it becomes more and more difficult to simply “keep calm and carry on.”

Some of us may have started the quarantine with high hopes of a brief but successful period of isolation. Some of us may have used this time to launch creative projects, institute family activities, or get busy with different forms of home improvement. And some of us may have been contending with the actual virus – either because we contracted the illness ourselves or because a family member contracted it.

Whatever your experience has been during this time, I can guarantee that it hasn’t been easy. It’s likely that you’ve had days of great productivity, and days of no productivity. You’ve felt good at times, and lousy at other times. You’ve probably encountered moments of hope and clarity followed by moments of hopelessness and confusion.

Why does this matter? It matters because as we continue to cope with COVID-19, it’s important to also practice patience with our own process. Being patient with your process means you make room for your feelings, forgive your mistakes, and allow yourself to start again.

Don’t minimize your experience. It can be tempting to engage in comparisons regarding your suffering versus the suffering of others. You may feel that because you didn’t contract the virus or lose your job, you have no right to have bad days. This attitude minimizes your experience and squelches your emotions, which does not help you feel better. You can feel badly for others and still pay attention to your experience.
Give yourself permission to have a range of feelings. It would be normal to cycle through a wide range of feelings at this time – anxiety, sadness, anger, frustration, excitement, happiness, irritation, relief. All of these feelings are probably moving through you. Think of emotions as “energy in motion,” the more you acknowledge them, the faster they pass.
Don’t beat yourself up if you slip into unhealthy habits. I’ve spoken with a number of people who find themselves over-eating, over-drinking, over-texting, obsessively playing video games or shopping online. If you have an unhealthy habit you’ve slipped back into, do your best not to beat yourself up. Instead, reach out for support and try to get healthy again.
Allow yourself to start again. If you have a bad day, perform poorly at work, or fail to meet your own expectations some way, allow yourself to start again. It can be tempting to mentally punish yourself for mistakes and missteps. This does not help. Be patient with yourself and simply promise to do better next time.
Ask for support if you need it. You may want to seek the support of a close friend, an understanding family member, or a professional coach or counselor. Asking for support is an important step in giving yourself room to express what you are going through and feel understood.

Being patient with yourself may seem anti-intuitive during a pandemic. You may think that you should to be alert and on-the-ball at all times. But practicing patience with yourself will actually help you feel better, perform better and be more patient with others during this incredibly stressful time.

Katherine Crowley – Career Therapist and co-owner of K Squared Enterprises.