Kathi and Katherine talk about feedback this week’s episode of the My Crazy Office podcast.
First we give advice about how to handle a boss that gives unsolicited feedback.
Then we discuss what makes feedback constructive or un-constructive.
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Before you offer advice, make sure that the person on the receiving end is open to hearing it.
Sometimes, we think we know what someone needs to do or say or even wear at work. We’re sure that we’re right, and if our colleague or client would just listen to us, a certain problem or situation would immediately improve.
But offering unsolicited advice to someone who’s not ready to receive it can create more problems going forward.
Before you offer advice, stop and take the recipient’s temperature.
Say, “I’ve got a few ideas about how to resolve _________. Let me know when you’re ready to hear it.”
If you’re itching to advise a colleague on a personal matter like health or weight or love life, you’re better off waiting until that person requests your input.
If you can’t hold it in, say, “I’m having a strong reaction to ________. Can we discuss it?” Or “I’m really concerned about ________ . “ and see how the listener responds.
It may be hard to zip your lip. You may feel anxious and frustrated. But learning when and how to offer advice is an important life skill. It takes practice to offer assistance in a way that can be received.
When it comes to workplace relationships, the notion of not taking someone else’s behavior personally is one of the toughest to really internalize.
If you are a friendly, thoughtful person, and someone at work never says “hello,” refuses to say “please” and never thanks you, it’s tempting to think that he or she is being mean and discourteous to YOU. The truth is that this individual is being who she or he is, and you happen to be there. That same individual would be just as rude to anyone else. You didn’t cause that behavior and it will continue long after you leave.
What would it be like if you could take a coworker or boss or company’s behavior less personally? How would you feel if you could attribute a cranky person’s brusque remarks as their problem, not yours?
Today, look for an opportunity to take someone else’s behavior less personally. whether it’s a sarcastic remark, a thoughtless act, or an angry reaction, remind yourself that you are not the reason why this person is acting poorly. It may feel personal, but it isn’t.
You’re probably right: That coworker you work with is incompetent. The employee you manage does have a bad attitude. Your boss should appreciate how hard you work. And your company isn’t paying you enough.
Now that we’ve established how right you are, what’s next? You can congratulate yourself for being right. But that affords limited satisfaction. Your situation won’t improve until you do something different. Sorry. It’s not fair. But your attitude is what will change your reality.
So accept that you are right, and get ready to respond to the difficult people at work differently.
If I want to make a date with you, do I text you, FB you, tweet you, email you, link to you or (God forbid) call you?
It seems to depend on each person’s preference and that preference is only known through familiarity.
I have certain friends who are offended when I text them. Others no longer answer their phones.
If I don’t pick the right medium, you may not respond. Even if I do pick the right medium, you may not respond.
I don’t know about you, but my brain gets tired just trying to figure this stuff out.
Any tips for managing our multi-device, constant response culture?
Join Kathi and Katherine as they answer real workplace questions with solid advice, and a great sense of humor.
Bestselling authors Katherine and Kathi use humor and a slue of engaging techniques to mediate solutions for individuals at every level of employment — from executives to managers to frontline employees.
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