Tag: workplace relationships

Responding to negative feedback

How do you feel when someone offers negative feedback to you? Do you appreciate it? Do you wish the person would go away? Do you bristle or blush or get steaming mad?

Receiving, processing and responding to feedback that isn’t positive can be a challenging exercise for many people. If you’re someone who cares deeply about your work, if you’re determined to produce excellent results, negative feedback can be humbling — even painful.

But it’s also extremely rich. If you can take the message and use it for learning purposes, (instead of a whipping post) negative feedback always helps you grow.

Today, if someone criticizes your way of performing a task, or corrects your presentation, or re-writes your copy or critiques your design, see if you can take the information in without feeling bad about yourself or despising the messenger.

Say “I’m willing to find the good in this moment.” Take a breath, thank the person who delivers it, and take a little time to cool off. Then use the feedback to improve your professional self.

Before You Offer Advice…

Before you offer advice, make sure that the person on the receiving end is open to hearing it.

Sometimes, we think we know what someone needs to do or say or even wear at work. We’re sure that we’re right, and if our colleague or client would just listen to us, a certain problem or situation would immediately improve.

But offering unsolicited advice to someone who’s not ready to receive it can create more problems going forward.

Before you offer advice, stop and take the recipient’s temperature.

Say, “I’ve got a few ideas about how to resolve _________. Let me know when you’re ready to hear it.”

If you’re itching to advise a colleague on a personal matter like health or weight or love life, you’re better off waiting until that person requests your input.

If you can’t hold it in, say, “I’m having a strong reaction to ________. Can we discuss it?” Or “I’m really concerned about ________ . “ and see how the listener responds.

It may be hard to zip your lip. You may feel anxious and frustrated. But learning when and how to offer advice is an important life skill. It takes practice to offer assistance in a way that can be received.

Boundaries, Anger and You

Interpersonal boundaries, the lines or parameters that define and protect the territory between individuals, can be difficult to discern. How do I know when my behavior feels invasive to you? How can you tell if you’ve offended my sense of propriety?

Because interpersonal boundaries are imperceptible to the human eye, and because they differ from person to person, they have to be communicated. Part of the work at work involves defining and expressing your own interpersonal boundaries.

Here’s a hint: If you are continually angry, upset or complaining about someone or something, you probably need to set a boundary.

In this case, anger can be your friend. It’s telling you that you feel invaded and probably need to protect yourself. It’s important not to act out in anger. Rather, notice who and what bothers you. Then consider whether you need to communicate a boundary.

If a coworker’s voice is too loud, can you ask that person to lower the volume – explaining that you’re having a hard time concentrating?

If your client is behind in payment, can you explain that until you receive payment for work already delivered, you won’t be able to move on future projects?

If your boss or coworkers habitually email you at midnight, can you stop responding to all emails after 10 p.m.?

Use your anger as a signal that someone may be inadvertently invading your territory. Then see what you can say or do to communicate your limit.

Giving Yourself Credit

Ever notice yourself wanting more credit or recognition or appreciation from others for your hard work? Ever resent the people who have no problem patting themselves on the back or bragging about their accomplishments?

Building your own sense of value and confidence at work is an ongoing exercise. This is especially true if you work for someone who is highly demanding or extremely critical. It may also be true if you work for a company that expects everyone to bend over backwards to meet its goals

Today, try giving yourself credit for the things you wish someone else would appreciate. If you finish a report ahead of schedule, pat yourself on the back. If you field numerous customer complaints, acknowledge the skill and patience it took to do that. If you solve a major glitch in a software program, stand up and take a bow.

Taking a moment to savor your successes will increase you enjoyment at work. If you’re too busy to notice what you accomplished during the day, take a moment after work to write down three things you did right.

Yes, it would be better if the people you work for were more appreciative, but don’t let that stop you from taking in the good.

It’s not personal

When it comes to workplace relationships, the notion of not taking someone else’s behavior personally is one of the toughest to really internalize.

If you are a friendly, thoughtful person, and someone at work never says “hello,” refuses to say “please” and never thanks you, it’s tempting to think that he or she is being mean and discourteous to YOU. The truth is that this individual is being who she or he is, and you happen to be there. That same individual would be just as rude to anyone else. You didn’t cause that behavior and it will continue long after you leave.

What would it be like if you could take a coworker or boss or company’s behavior less personally? How would you feel if you could attribute a cranky person’s brusque remarks as their problem, not yours?

Today, look for an opportunity to take someone else’s behavior less personally. whether it’s a sarcastic remark, a thoughtless act, or an angry reaction, remind yourself that you are not the reason why this person is acting poorly. It may feel personal, but it isn’t.

Opening your business tool box

Very often the situations at work that seem the most “broken” can be at least partially repaired by opening your business tool box.

What is that you ask? It’s the conceptual “box” that holds a variety of business tools; tools that can be used in business interactions. The average business tool box contains job descriptions, office procedures, company policies, meeting agendas, and all kinds of documentation. Your business tool box may contain emails, time sheets, departmental goals and employee evaluation forms.

You have a meeting with someone who makes you nervous? Open your tool box and pull out a meeting agenda. Preparing a list of the items you want to cover with this person will help both of you get more out of the meeting.

Is there a person at work whose behavior seems wildly inappropriate? Open up your tool box and pull out the documentation tool. Keep a clear record of your transactions — what the other person says, does and communicates to you. If you want proof of this colleague’s crazy behavior, documentation is the tool that will help you most.

What is your challenge today? Look at your business tools and see which ones can come to your aid.

Do you unhook?

Unhooking is a system for changing your reaction to emotionally upsetting circumstances at work. It could be a difficult coworker, a demanding boss or an impossible client. To unhook, you have to stop waiting for the other person to change, and start taking back your power. The first step in unhooking is physical.

Unhook physically by taking actions to release the negative energy stored in your body from dealing with someone else’s bad behavior. Methods for unhooking physically include washing your face, taking a walk, playing sports, working out, doing yoga or simply breathing slowly and deeply. Try it today. If you feel your head throbbing, your neck aching, your stomach churning or your arms tingling, do something physical to unhook. You’ll be glad you did.

You’re probably right

You’re probably right: That coworker you work with is incompetent. The employee you manage does have a bad attitude. Your boss should appreciate how hard you work. And your company isn’t paying you enough.

Now that we’ve established how right you are, what’s next? You can congratulate yourself for being right. But that affords limited satisfaction. Your situation won’t improve until you do something different. Sorry. It’s not fair. But your attitude is what will change your reality.

So accept that you are right, and get ready to respond to the difficult people at work differently.