Tag: workplace relationships

Giving Yourself Credit

Ever notice yourself wanting more credit or recognition or appreciation from others for your hard work? Ever resent the people who have no problem patting themselves on the back or bragging about their accomplishments?

Building your own sense of value and confidence at work is an ongoing exercise. This is especially true if you work for someone who is highly demanding or extremely critical. It may also be true if you work for a company that expects everyone to bend over backwards to meet its goals

Today, try giving yourself credit for the things you wish someone else would appreciate. If you finish a report ahead of schedule, pat yourself on the back. If you field numerous customer complaints, acknowledge the skill and patience it took to do that. If you solve a major glitch in a software program, stand up and take a bow.

Taking a moment to savor your successes will increase you enjoyment at work. If you’re too busy to notice what you accomplished during the day, take a moment after work to write down three things you did right.

Yes, it would be better if the people you work for were more appreciative, but don’t let that stop you from taking in the good.

It’s not personal

When it comes to workplace relationships, the notion of not taking someone else’s behavior personally is one of the toughest to really internalize.

If you are a friendly, thoughtful person, and someone at work never says “hello,” refuses to say “please” and never thanks you, it’s tempting to think that he or she is being mean and discourteous to YOU. The truth is that this individual is being who she or he is, and you happen to be there. That same individual would be just as rude to anyone else. You didn’t cause that behavior and it will continue long after you leave.

What would it be like if you could take a coworker or boss or company’s behavior less personally? How would you feel if you could attribute a cranky person’s brusque remarks as their problem, not yours?

Today, look for an opportunity to take someone else’s behavior less personally. whether it’s a sarcastic remark, a thoughtless act, or an angry reaction, remind yourself that you are not the reason why this person is acting poorly. It may feel personal, but it isn’t.

Opening your business tool box

Very often the situations at work that seem the most “broken” can be at least partially repaired by opening your business tool box.

What is that you ask? It’s the conceptual “box” that holds a variety of business tools; tools that can be used in business interactions. The average business tool box contains job descriptions, office procedures, company policies, meeting agendas, and all kinds of documentation. Your business tool box may contain emails, time sheets, departmental goals and employee evaluation forms.

You have a meeting with someone who makes you nervous? Open your tool box and pull out a meeting agenda. Preparing a list of the items you want to cover with this person will help both of you get more out of the meeting.

Is there a person at work whose behavior seems wildly inappropriate? Open up your tool box and pull out the documentation tool. Keep a clear record of your transactions — what the other person says, does and communicates to you. If you want proof of this colleague’s crazy behavior, documentation is the tool that will help you most.

What is your challenge today? Look at your business tools and see which ones can come to your aid.

Do you unhook?

Unhooking is a system for changing your reaction to emotionally upsetting circumstances at work. It could be a difficult coworker, a demanding boss or an impossible client. To unhook, you have to stop waiting for the other person to change, and start taking back your power. The first step in unhooking is physical.

Unhook physically by taking actions to release the negative energy stored in your body from dealing with someone else’s bad behavior. Methods for unhooking physically include washing your face, taking a walk, playing sports, working out, doing yoga or simply breathing slowly and deeply. Try it today. If you feel your head throbbing, your neck aching, your stomach churning or your arms tingling, do something physical to unhook. You’ll be glad you did.

You’re probably right

You’re probably right: That coworker you work with is incompetent. The employee you manage does have a bad attitude. Your boss should appreciate how hard you work. And your company isn’t paying you enough.

Now that we’ve established how right you are, what’s next? You can congratulate yourself for being right. But that affords limited satisfaction. Your situation won’t improve until you do something different. Sorry. It’s not fair. But your attitude is what will change your reality.

So accept that you are right, and get ready to respond to the difficult people at work differently.

Good days, Bad days

Some days start off well and glide by seamlessly. Other days are stressful from the start. If your workday looks like the former, take a moment to really enjoy the ease of it all. Appreciate your work environment and savor your interactions. If your workday is the latter (highly stressful), take many moments throughout the day to B-R-E-A-T-H-E. Breathing is the easiest way to calm your mind and soothe your nervous system. Breathe in deeply (counting to three), hold the breath briefly (counting to three), and breathe out slowly (counting to six). Do this until you feel your body calm down. Breathing won’t solve everything, but it will help. Try it and see.

How to ride a bad mood

This week has been interesting because I can safely say I’ve been in a bad mood for much of it. Perhaps it’s because I don’t want summer to end. Maybe it’s connected to the approach of 9/11. Or Maybe it’s just ‘cuz. While it’s tempting to wonder why, the bigger issue is how to ride it out.

When I’m in a bad mood, external experiences tend to match. So this week, I lost my purse on my commuter bus (then had it returned), our phones went out for two days, the rain created two water leaks in my office, and I discovered that our basement was infested with mold (which I aggressively vacuumed away).

It’s kind of cute how the universe picked up on my bad mood and magnified it.

The good news is that I’m old enough to know that this too shall pass. I can see my mood and the irritating events of this week as tiny blips on life’s screen.

And I know that it would serve me to slow down, catch my breath, and do one of the many things we often suggest: restore my energy with exercise, yoga or rest; repair my emotional state by meditating, and spending time with people I love.

How do you ride out your bad mood(s)? Maybe we can help each other out.

I Hate Ebb and Flow

As the summer draws to a close, I have to admit that I really don’t like ebb and flow. I mean, flow I like. But ebb is much less appealing to me.

I liked it when the days got longer and the nights grew warmer. As the days grow shorter and the nights get cooler, I’m not so thrilled.

Nature is an important teacher. Clearly, the seasons don’t care what I think or how I feel about their ebb and flow. Their comings and goings illustrate the ebb and flow that is part of any cycle — including business.

I don’t like business ebb and flow either — but that, too, is a fact of life. So, I’m going to use this change of seasons to appreciate ebb (cooler nights, shorter days) for what it has to offer. Maybe shorter days provide more opportunities for indoor events and home dinners.

And maybe embracing this ebb can allow me to appreciate times of flow more fully.