Emotion | 3 | K Squared Enterprises

Managing Our Brain’s Response To Uncertainty

May 6, 2020

As our world, our country, our states, our towns, and our communities work hard to address the many aspects of the COVID-19 pandemic, each of us has another internal challenge that requires our constant attention – How do we manage living with so much uncertainty?

It’s one thing to be unsure about tomorrow’s weather or the time of a flight arrival, but the uncertainty that COVID-19 brings is over the top. We don’t know when the economy will get going again, when or if we will return to our former workplaces, whether we will have a second wave of the virus, what will happen to cities that re-open prematurely, how schools will function. The list of unknowns is daunting.

In an article titled, Science Explains Why Uncertainty Is So Hard on Our Brain, writer Markham Heid explains why we human beings struggle with uncertainty. Apparently, fear of uncertainty (AKA fear of the unknown) is one of strongest fears that human beings have. It is at the root of many anxiety disorders, panic attacks and depressed states.

Uncertainty is a disruptor. It interrupts the brain’s routine and habitual thoughts, assumptions, and decision-making processes. Uncertainty makes planning difficult and creates a sense of danger or foreboding. Tasked with trying to figure out what will happen next, the brain kicks into high gear. It generates survival-oriented mental processes such as hyper-vigilance, emotional reactivity, catastrophic thinking and obsessive worry.

What helps the brain manage uncertainty? Anything that takes it (and you) out of worry, obsession, emotional reactivity, and catastrophic thinking. Anything that puts it (and you) in the present moment.

Plan for the day – not for the year. Jot down manageable goals of things that you can accomplish here and now (or over the next few days) that will make you feel a sense of accomplishment and control. Examples: clean one room, clear out one closet, reconcile your bank account, put away your clothes, fix something that’s broken, start one creative project, plan a Zoom get-together.

Focus on the things you can influence, not the things you can’t. You can’t control which states open their businesses at what point in time. You can’t control whether your industry is going through a rough time. You can look for opportunities to reconfigure your work life in a way that makes more sense to you. Look for where your power lies, and focus there.

Slow down. This may sound silly. Why would you want to slow down when your brains tells you to hurry up? Because slowing down will help you manage uncertainty from a clearer, calmer place. Worry, anxiety and obsessive thinking do not help with uncertainty. Being present does. Slowing down may mean that you stop, breathe, and enjoy the breakfast you’re eating. It could involve watching the birds outside your window as they fly and perch. Slowing down may mean you take just a few minutes to practice meditation every morning, or it could entail a break from work where you breathe slowly and deeply three times. The idea is to slow your system down enough to reduce the chatter in your brain.

Limit your intake of news. Afraid of what could lie ahead, the brain projects gloomy hypotheticals and worse case scenarios. It then looks for confirmation. News outlets often feed into that anxiety with their attempts at predicting future events. Studies show that too much information overwhelms the brain, leaving it confused and distressed. Try to put strict limits on the amount of news that you ingest. It will improve your ability to manage uncertainty.

Living with this degree of uncertainty is challenging for everyone. Appreciating that our brains have trouble with the unknown can inspire us to manage the anxiety and emotional reactivity that comes with the many unknown outcomes of the current pandemic.

Katherine Crowley – Career Therapist and co-owner of K Squared Enterprises

Living in the Waiting Room

April 27, 2020

I don’t know about you, but I hate to wait. When faced with a long line at a store, a movie, a food bar or even a gas station, I’m the person who opts out, returning at another time when I won’t have to wait. In fact, until March of this year, waiting for anything seemed like an immense waste of time to me.

That was before the pandemic hit. Before we were all told to shelter in place. Before we understood the importance of social distancing. And before we were asked to wait in line at stores, at banks, at any place where people congregate to conduct their essential business.

Now, waiting is a form of caring, of preventing, of dealing with a situation we don’t yet have under control. We’re waiting for signs that it’s safe for the economy to slowly re-open. We’re waiting to see how schools will operate. We’re waiting to discover when and how sports teams, service businesses, and the entire entertainment industry will re-emerge.

It’s hard to be waiting in so many ways for so many things. The human brain is a planning brain and we desperately want to know what comes next. That unquenchable thirst for answers can mutate into uncomfortable feelings of anxiety, frustration, impatience, agitation, restlessness and even depression.

Today, we are all Living in the Waiting Room. We won’t have to be here forever, but it will be a while before we can re-launch our lives in any significant way. What follows are some thoughts about making the Waiting Room more tolerable:

Bring many forms of entertainment to the Waiting Room– good books, fun movies, knitting projects, crossword puzzles, word games, musical instruments, dance routines, sketch pads, new recipes – anything that takes your attention away from fretting, worrying or obsessing and allows your mind to be creative.

Take physical breaks from sitting in the Waiting Room – Go outside, take a run, go for a hike, yawn, stretch, shake your head and arms, walk around, pound a pillow. Physical movement helps move emotions through your body. Feelings of impatience, frustration and agitation can be reduced by increasing blood flow.

Connect with other people in the Waiting Room – We’ve heard over and over that we are in this together. Nothing confirms that more than striking up conversations with others who are waiting. Even if the novelty of video conferencing has worn off, it’s still essential to reach out to the people you care about and make contact. Human connection lessens anxiety and makes us feel less adrift.

Try not to obsess about when you’re getting out of the Waiting Room – This is a hard request. You know that person in the waiting room who paces back and forth, looks at the time, stares at their phone, insists on being the first to be informed? Don’t be that person. Understand the limits of endless news briefings, medical predictions, scare tactics, and conspiracy theories. None of those items are going to get us out of here faster. And everyone is working on getting things moving again.

One other thing about the Waiting Room – each person, each family has their own set of concerns, their own set of pressures that they are juggling. Appreciating that we are all dealing with different conditions is part of living in the Waiting Room. You don’t have to feel guilty if your conditions are less difficult than others, but you can be respectful and appreciate the wide range of challenges that each person in the Waiting Room is managing.

Katherine Crowley – Career Therapist and co-owner of K Squared Enterprises

Being Kind to Your Emotionally Exhausted Self

April 15, 2020

So here we are. For many people this is week six (or more) of sheltering in place.

It’s also week six of home schooling, endless meal preparation, social isolation, working remotely, and celebrating almost every occasion we can think of virtually – on Zoom, Google Chat, FaceTime, Skype and whatever other device or platform appeals to you.

For some, the past six weeks have included sudden, tragic losses of family members or friends. For others, the losses have involved employment, income, daily routines, human contact, favorite past-times or any sense of normalcy. It’s been rough.

As a collective population, we are tired. We keep trying to figure out where we are headed, and when we will be able to return to some form of our pre-Corona lives. In the meantime, we have to manage the feelings of loss, frustration, anger, fear, sadness, and anxiety that are “normal” during a pandemic of these proportions.

While we wait for the next phase of this very strange time, I encourage everyone to find just a few simple ways to be kind to your emotionally exhausted self.

Here’s what being kind to your emotionally exhausted self could look like:

You stop for a minute every day, and give yourself credit for all you are doing to keep your life (and that of your family and friends) intact.

You take time to cool your system down by going on an extra walk, taking a full lunch break, or enjoying a longer-than-normal shower.

You protect yourself from overworking by instating email curfews — no reading or responding to emails after 10 pm. No opening emails in the morning until you’re out of bed.

You take time to reach out to the people who are able to hear you complain and are gifted at making you laugh.

You make sure to read, watch, or listen to something pleasurable before going to bed.

You help yourself get better sleep by listening to a meditation or relaxation podcast designed for that purpose.

You forgive yourself for being overly sensitive or irritable during the day. And you forgive others for the same thing.

Being kind to your emotionally exhausted self recognizes that this has already been a long haul, that you have done your best to weather it, and that you will surely continue to carry on. I encourage you to try one or all of these tactics as an act of kindness – your exhausted self with thank you.

Katherine Crowley – Career Therapist and co-owner of K Squared Enterprises

Self-Care During Troubled Times

April 8, 2020

As many of us move through another week of being Sheltered in Place, it becomes increasingly more challenging to break away from the continuous demands of home, work, family, child care, elder care, animal care, and take a moment for ourselves. Without any boundaries or breaks between home life and work life, hard workers just work harder, depleting their energy to the point of either freaking out, blowing up or collapsing from exhaustion. You may find yourself feeling depressed, unfocused, or less productive than usual. For any and all of these circumstances, self-care can help.

Self-Care may seem like a luxury when you are busy trying to juggle work obligations with home responsibilities during a global crisis. Many of the outlets that normally nourish us – gyms, restaurants, places of worship, shopping malls, spas, museums, music venues, nail and hair salons, parks – are not available. We are left to create self-care moments on our own.

Here are nine ways to practice the most basic form of self-care – taking breaks during your day:

Go for a 10-minute walk before you start your work day

Take a 10-minute relaxation break in the middle of your day using Calm, Headspace, 10% Happier or any other meditation app you like.

Insist on a real lunch break during which you refrain from using any screens and actually taste your food.

Indulge in a 10-minute music break — Play your favorite songs, and dance or sing along.

Buy some flowers for your home and take regular flower breaks – smelling them, touching them, enjoying their beauty.

Spend an extra 10-minutes after your bath or shower and give yourself a facial (refer to YouTube for simple facial techniques)

Make yourself laugh – Watch your favorite funny animal video, a clip from a comedian or TV show you enjoy, or anything else you know will make you laugh.

Let yourself cry – I know, this may seem self-indulgent or weak, but releasing tension or sadness through tears can be very cleansing. You may become tearful as you watch a feel-good movie or an ASPCA commercial. Whatever sparks it, try to give yourself permission to emote.

Take a pet break – If you have a pet at home, spend a few moments just sitting with them. Pet them, smile at them, and take in their affection.

Do any of these appeal to you? Did you think of others on your own? Whatever your idea of self-care is, I encourage you to instate a few practices every day. In order to take the best care of others, you need to take care of yourself.

Katherine Crowley – Career Therapist and co-owner of K Squared Enterprises

This is A Marathon, Not A Sprint – How to Manage Your Emotions During the Pandemic

April 1, 2020

One message that we are all hearing over and over again is that the current state of affairs is going to last for a while. It’s clear that, from an emotional endurance point of view, we are looking at a situation that is more of a marathon than a sprint. With that in mind, here are some tips for managing your emotional and mental health while living and working with the pandemic.

Make room for grief – Last week, the Harvard Business Review published an excellent article entitled, “That Discomfort You’re Feeling Is Grief.” (https://bit.ly/2wI6uhC) It explained that due to the range of losses resulting from the pandemic (income, routine, sense of safety, human connection, life) we are in a collective state of grief. Grief has different stages. There’s denial, anger/blame, bargaining, sadness/depression, and acceptance/renewal. We are all cycling through these feelings on an hourly, daily or weekly basis. Making room for grief means that when you feel enraged by a co-worker who arrives late for a conference call, you realize that your reaction may not just be about his tardiness. It may also be your experience of grief.

Take time to rest – One of the best ways to address feelings of grief and to protect your immune system is through rest. Rest is accomplished whenever we turn down the volume on our digital lives, and engage in something restorative. Rest can involve a good night’s sleep, a daytime nap, a walk outside, an exercise or yoga routine, 10 minutes of meditation, cooking, or a chat with a friend. You may feel rested when you listen to music, play an instrument, take a bath, read a book, or watch your favorite movie or video. Whatever restores your energy and relaxes your brain, schedule time to do it.

Practice compassionate self-discipline – Given the degree of upheaval that you are probably experiencing, it may be challenging to be as self-disciplined as you were pre-Corona. Compassionate self-discipline encourages you to maintain as many healthy practices as you can — wake up at the same hour, dress for work, eat well (if you can), exercise, meditate, plan your day. At the same time, compassionate self-discipline understands that there may be days and circumstances when all of those practices get kicked to the curb. Compassionate self-discipline aims to keep you healthy without beating you up.

Forgive yourself and others for slips – We are all living under extremely stressful times, and each person’s stressors are slightly different. It’s important to understand that you and the people in your life (coworkers, bosses, family members, friends) are probably having emotional slips from time to time. Feelings of fear, anger, anxiety and sadness may morph into harsh remarks, obsessive behavior, forgotten promises, shut down emotions, and heated arguments. This is a time to take a deep breath and let go of things said in the heat (or cold) of the moment. Chances are that you and the people in your life are emotionally exhausted; everyone is doing the best that they can.

Katherine Crowley – Career Therapist and co-owner of K Squared Enterprises

Dealing with Uncertainty

March 24, 2020

Without question, these are uncertain times. Daily routines, work lives, economic conditions and social lives have been uprooted and disrupted. Homes now serve as offices, school rooms, infirmaries, and personal gyms. We don’t know when we will get our normal lives back again.

Because there is so much we can’t control at this time, it’s important to notice and act on the things that we can. The following are things you can do to calm your nervous system, take control of your environment, and deal with these uncertain times in a constructive manner:

• Create order in small areas that you can control

Uncertainty can feel chaotic. To manage the chaos, it’s important to take small actions that provide order to your life: Get up at a regular hour, make your bed, dress for work, continue your workout routine (even if you have to modify it), plan meals, coordinate with family members when scheduling your day.

• Do things to calm your nervous system

Think of your emotions as energy-in-motion. To release anxiety, you want to do things that let the energy of anxiety move through your body. Physical activity or home workouts can really help here. Meditation, yoga, and relaxation exercises are also good. Activities like cooking, singing, playing music, playing games, making art or building things can help your brain relax.

• Stay informed but don’t drown in information

Uncertainty makes us crave control. One way you may strive for control is by tracking every piece of news that comes out about CoVid-19 on social media, online news, or TV. Information overload will make you more anxious, not less. Limits on news consumption (checking in the morning, mid-day, and at end of day) will help your brain rest – which it needs to come up with clever solutions to uncertain times.

• Look for ways to be of service

Helping, assisting, caring for others is a very concrete tool for calming your mind and lifting your spirits during times of uncertainty. With social distancing and self-quarantining, the kind of help you can offer may not be “hands on” but it still counts. Phone calls to people living alone or elderly friends/family can make a difference. Video chats with friends who need to connect. Cooking meals for others that can be dropped at their homes. Reach out in some way, and offer to help. It will give you a sense of purpose and control.

• Work at being present

Being present means you are not running forward trying to predict the worst-case scenario nor are you glancing backward focusing on what you, your business, or your government should have done differently. Being present means you look at where you are today, appreciate what you have, and take small, concrete actions to live your life as well as you can. Being present can be very challenging during uncertain times, but it allows you to deal with the current reality from a non-hysterical place.

• Practice gratitude for simple things

Practicing gratitude is one of the most powerful tools you can use during uncertain times. Gratitude allows you to see what you have and what’s working rather than focusing on what you may lose and what isn’t working. You can be grateful for your food, your morning cup of coffee, your smart phone, your bed. List three things you are grateful at the beginning of every day and share that list with a friend.

Katherine Crowley – Career Therapist and co-owner of K Squared Enterprises.